I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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