he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
