don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
