She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
