I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
