why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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