dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
