I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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