I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
