Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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