bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
