That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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