My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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