What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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