Ambien. No doubt about it.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize