Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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