I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
