Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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