I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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