I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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