The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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