went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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