my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
