you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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