The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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