I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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