drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
