I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
