Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize