ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
