Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
