My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
