So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
