When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
