And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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