When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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