You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
