i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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