Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
