I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize