What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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