please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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