So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
