How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
