It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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