I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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