My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
