Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
