i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
