somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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