We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize