I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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