so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
