My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
