If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
