But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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