6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
