its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize