just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
