Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Randomize
