I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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