Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
