Can Purell be used as lube?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize