I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize