Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
