It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
