I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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