Capitaan dildo arrescate!
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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