the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
